So much in my head

Recently I’ve been depressed because of these reasons:

DBSK’s lawsuit and all the rumors circling around the issue

The cancellation of SMTOWN LIVE 0’9 in Seoul. I had green field tickets and after trying to see DBSK for a year, this was one of my few, only chances. And now it’s gone…

Moving issues. My dad wants to live in Seoul while I want to stay where I’m at. I want to graduate with all of my close friends instead of starting over at a new school. It’s selfish, but at the same time, the rest of my family also wants to stay where we’re at. It’s cheaper and better, yet my dad refuses.

Homesickness. I desperately hope to see my friends who live in the USA. I miss them all so much…they’re like family. We’ve known each other for years and still keep in contact, which I’m utterly thankful and grateful for. Plus, I miss my family in Florida soooo much. We used to visit them at least once a year, but since moving to Korea, that hasn’t been possible since it’d cost too much money for the plane tickets.

I already feel like an older person. I’m afraid I’ll get wrinkles from worrying too much XP Hopefully not.

Right now I’m listening to “Stand By U” by Tohoshinki and it’s definately lifting my mood 🙂


A Message From H.O.T Fan To Cassies

This is from post three years ago.. I thought it was interesting back then, so I saved it. Now I understand that everything said here is true, I hope I can repost this..


 ” Hi~ I’m a current member of club H.O.T,
and am a fan of the now broken up group, H.O.T. ^^

These days the group DBSK have been performing a lot
and have caught my attention.
Not only that, I heard that one of the DBSK members was a
very big male fan of H.O.T., and that’s how I first started to
learn more about DBSK

As I watch the way they act and their performance,
I couldn’t help but to think that they are very similar
to H.O.T when they first started

H.O.T is seriously the god’s to our generation,
so for people that were born around 82, 83, etc.
No one probably understand what they meant to us…

After Seotaiji and boys broke up, H.O.T. saved the
kpop music scene that was completely dying out.

All the teenagers were pulled into H.O.T.,
and within a year of their debut they received the top music award.
Out of all the major awards that H.O.T received, there must be awards
from at least 10 different music/television companies

When I see DBSK right now, the past H.O.T. fills my mind.
I was a freshman in high school when H.O.T. first debuted.
Now I am 22, and even today, when I go to performances or
concerts, I am looked as a young girl ^^

I heard that the majority of DBSK fans are junior high students,
and although many people say that they are young fans,
we were exactly like that too.

Whenever people saw us they called us H.O.T fanatics.
But then what about now? Even after 8-9 years
we are still here watching over them.

We hope that all the DBSK fans follow in our footsteps ^^

Liking H.O.T. for about 9 years,
I would like to give a little heads up and warnings about the company SM

I am someone that had a voice within the H.O.T fan club.
So I know a little more about the company SM, than most fans or normal people

At this moment, many H.O.T. fans have ventured out ^^
There are some that have become stars, others that became famous peoples’ coordis,
and even some that have been hired into SM

Through these people we have learned that,
what we believed to be unfair treatment by SM, in reality, was very much true

SM claimed that the 2nd H.O.T. was blackbeat, but after their failure
they tried once again, and that group is DBSK

Silently leading the group with wit and talent, YoungWoong JaeJoong.
He is like MoonHeeJun.
Leader in dance, with the aura of a tough guy, but sometimes very cute, UKnowYunHo.
He is like JangWooHyuk.
Lived in the states, and able to speak English, very charismatic and outgoing, MickyYooChun.
He is like Tony.
With looks that can be looked as almost famine, and the image where you want to take care of him, ChoiKangChangMin.
He is like Kangta.
Looks that can be looked as average, but the type of person that the more you see the more you like, XiahJunSu.
He is like LeeJaeWon.

Two group that really have a lot in common, DBSK and H.O.T.
Maybe that’s why, but we H.O.T. fans are genuinely scared that
the DBSK fans will have to face the hurt and disappointing ordeals we had to go through.
Especially because all of you are so young.

Cassiopeia fans…
SM is honestly a dangerous place.
As you like DBSK more I am sure that your hatred for SM will only grow

The first time H.O.T. began to get battered by LeeSooMan was during the beginning of their 3rd album
I’m not sure if you heard their 2nd album song, “Heng Bok”
That is the song H.O.T. received the DaeSang award,
and the album after that for every little mistake, they were hurt.

At that time, I believed that no matter what, it was merely just rumors
Slowly, everything I believed were rumors, were slowly turning into realities

By any chance do you know of Andy of ShinHwa’s incident?
For awhile he was on stage wearing a mask wasn’t he?
SM said some unbelievable stuff saying that he ran into something
or that JunJin fell while taking a shower.

Everyone continuously told us different things.
The important factor is that they ran into something or fell,
but why was only his mouth hurt? How come there were no signs of anything near their forehead or nose or any other facial part?

A few days before, Andy went into the SM building, and when he came out
he was wearing a mask, which many fans noticed.
Honestly, at that time I didn’t believe it.

After JTL left SM, even after they released their album,
they weren’t able to properly perform for a good 2 years.

Their schedules continuously got mysteriously cancelled,
and on cable t.v. their music video was not even showed ONCE.

That wasn’t the famous SM-JTL boycott.

SM went to every television company and threatened that
in the case they brought JTL onto their broadcasting list, SM would pull out all their singers from that company

Many fans called JTL’s company “YeJun Media” and asked what was happening,
but even from there they did not know.

This is a famous event,
It was when MoonHeeJun’s 2nd album was supposed to come out

Fans were sleeping in front of HeeJun’s house,
when HeeJun’s mother came out and began to cry like no tomorrow.
She was begging to the fans to save HeeJun…
“Please save my HeeJun…”

HeeJun’s first album sold 600,000 copies.
But SM said, “Merely 600,000?!”

They said they didn’t want to invest in his 2nd album.
So for HeeJun’s 2nd album, his music video, and jacket pictures…
he poured out his own money and savings.

Buy their album. That is helping DBSk.
Whenever H.O.T albums came out, we fans bought AT LEAST 2 copies.
That’s the only reason whenever a new album came out they were able to surpass 1 million album sales.

And for that fact only…
that’s the only reason the members were able to collect a little bit of money.

H.O.T. boys…
for every album they received approximately 2 cents.

After Boa released her first album,
she received 50 cents per album.

For five people if it’s 2 cent, that means its not even a quarter cent per person.

Then you might ask…
“What about the commercials and photo albums, and all the other side things H.O.T did?”

To keep it simple,
the only money H.O.T members make is through album sales.

Any commercials, and any shows, anything,
all that money goes to SM.
So its basically an unjust contract, a slave contract.

We heard that the contract between DBSK and SM is immense,
but that’s not always a good thing.

When one leaves SM you must pay a fee that is much higher than the contract,
and basically its to stop singers from leaving
Not only that they will take out a percentage of one’s profits if one leaves.

Do you think the term “slave contract” came out of nowhere??
DBSK right now…they are probably having a really hard time.

Do you all know this?
The president of SM isn’t LeeSooMan but, KimKyungWook.
To put it in lament terms…
Although on paper KimKyungWook is the president,
the person that makes all the decisions is LeeSooMan.

The reason,
SM has done a lot of illegal things.
And if those acts are caught, someone needs to be blamed.

So LeeSooMan screws up,
and KimKyungWook takes the blame.
If you look at it KimKyungWoo is a slave too. An SM slave.

H.O.T.’s old manager is currently working for a very famous company.
That person once said that H.O.T. are kids he truly feels sorry for,
and so they were kids that he wanted to save.

That person tried to take H.O.T. out of SM, but got caught by LeeSooMan
and was immediately fired. Right now he is working at SIDUS and is producing the group G.O.D.

That is the reason LeeSooMan hates G.O.D. so much.
So much to the point that any radio show SM singers host,
he makes it clear he doesn’t want to hear them putting on G.O.D. songs.

Even though slave contract, unjust contracts are against the law,
LeeSooMan is living quite fine.
He is truly a rich man. Someone with so much money it is unbelievable.
Although he waste a lot of money, he always has more.
We raised SM and then we were stepped on by SM and died.

All the money that came in from H.O.T was invested into BoA
and all the money they invested in BoA is being currently relearned.

But now H.O.T members have encountered so many scars,
and they are slowly being forgotten by people.

Along with Club H.O.T who set records as a fan club.
We all are being forgotten by people.

All of you will get older with DBSK.
We were the same.

We used to say that “we’re aging together,”
and these days those words sound so sad

As time goes feelings will be stronger,
and we sincerely hope that DBSK doesn’t endure the same scars from SM, as H.O.T. had.
Don’t take the same hurt as we did.

Within DBSK, create an awesome fan culture.
With every childless statement, the fan image is slowly ruined.

Become fans that think about what you say,
when announcing you are their fans.

Don’t ever be flattered by any rumors, and always trust the member.
Singers will never betray their fans.

Please don’t do things that they don’t like.
You shouldn’t ever make your favorite singer feel disappointed in you.

If you are going to believe this and that, or just move on to someone else,
then don’t like them from the start.
It will only be scars upon that singer/group.

As you grow older, even if you find a boyfriend
don’t ever forget that you are DBSK fans.

At first it may just be a fantasy for you
but as time passes and as you grow older
you will realize that they mean a lot more to you than you know

In your heart, you will never forget your younger days
when you were their fans…
Please make sure it is only memories that you will not regret… ”

cr: wickedcreature@ & blackelement_ice@soomp

This really made me cry so hard. Just the feelings of wanting to grow old with DBSK but knowing that realistically, it isn’t very…realistic, just really saddens me. I hope us DBSK fans will learn from this and grow and hopefully the same thing will not happen to TVXQ (the aftermath), though it seems most of this is already happening now…

Haircut experience results with some DBSK fangirling

I was getting my hair cut the other day when I noticed a familiar song playing in the hairshop while the guy was cutting my hair.

It was killing me that I couldn’t quite place what the song was since it was super familiar, but halfway though the song it struck me; it was ‘Stand By U’ by Tohoshinki!

It was totally unexpected since this is a hair cutting salon IN Korea. I never expected them to play a Japanese song! Afterwards, I kept my ears open for any more Tohoshinki or J-Pop songs, but none. ‘Stand By U’ was the only Japanese song they played while I was there.

Reason I didn’t recongize the song immediately is because I actually haven’t heard the song in it’s entirety, nonetheless listening to it at all unless it’s on accident (because you know how the BigEast station will play it sometimes and when they’re on variety shows there will be a little preview of the song).

The reason why I haven’t heard ‘Stand By U’ yet is because I’m waiting to purchase the album. If I listen to a song online then I’m extremely tempted to download it and thus, I won’t feel like buying the album. I’m a fan who can’t help but want to buy the albums ^^

In Korea, DBSK’s Japanese albums won’t be released until nearly a month after the Jap. release, so I have to wait for the Korean ver. to come out before I can buy any of their Jap. albums.

On a random note, the guy who was cutting my hair started talking to me in Korean and although I had an idea of what he was saying, I couldn’t reply since my Korean is limited when talking (I can understand more than I can speak XP). It was funny since he asked me something in Korean and in English I replied, “Err…I speak English. Not Korean.” and I don’t think he understood, though maybe he got that I didn’t speak Korean? 

My mom was there with me since she’s the one who’s sort of like a translator for me XD (you know, since she’s Korean and speaks the language?), so he asked my mom why I didn’t speak Korean and she told him that I was from the USA. Then he asked her who she was to me (okay, bad wording, but I don’t know how to word it more politely. Only that he was asking what sort of relationship we had?) and she said we were mother-daughter. I think he seemed shocked since he didn’t expect a Korean woman to have a daughter who didn’t speak Korean XPPP 

And that was my haircutting experience here in Korea. It was fun since they served free drink and it came in glass cups shaped like a woman’s nude body (the boobs, butt, and everything XD Well, it wasn’t detailed, just sort of the outline of the body, but my immature little brothers found it hilarious. I would have taken a pic but I didn’t have my camera that time :()

Trip to Seoul = DBSK GOODNESS

Although I live in Korea, I live a little far from Seoul, so I don’t go often. When I do though, it’s pretty interesting.

A couple days ago, I went to Lotte World with friends and afterwards, we shopped a bit. I decided to stop by a music store to see if they had any DBSK albums. I wasn’t expecting much since it was a really small store,  lost in the sea of other boutiques and stores. But they happened to have every single album O_O. I was tempted to buy some of their earlier albums (such as Tri-Angle and “O”), but I didn’t have that much money so I had to pass *tear*. I wanted to purchase their Japanese album ‘Share the World’ and the store had both the CD + DVD so I bought it.

While the cashier was ringing it up (he was an elderly man), he told me in Korean, “Since you bought Dong Bang Shin Ki’s album, I can see you’re a fan so I’ll give you a free Dong Bang Shin Ki poster.” <——— OMG!!!!!!!! I DIED INSIDE FROM FANGIRLING IN MY MIND.

He went to the corner of the store (trust me, it’s a small store, the cashier is in one corner of the store while he went to a different corner and it was only 4 or 5 steps away) and he gave me a free poster!!! Two of my friends were jealous because they’re also DBSK fans XD Not as big as me though (no, I don’t mean that to sound cocky or anything. But seriously, the one who likes DBSK likes SHINee and Fly to the Sky better and the other friend loves DBSK’s music but doesn’t really know much about them personality and life-wise), but they’re fans nonetheless, so they were jealous, hehehe 🙂

He gave me the Version C poster from the MIROTIC album. I was probably blushing so much from the shock XD I guess he knew I was a fan since I bought one of their albums from Japan while in Korea. Plus, I might have fangirled just a tinsy winsy bit too much when I saw the shelf full of DBSK albums ^^;;; But OMG, I’m still soooo glad I bought the album there!!! I’m not going to use the poster yet since I’m moving soon, but once I go to the new house, I’m definately hanging it up 😀 I have the Ver. B Mirotic poster already hanging in my room, but let me tell you, the Ver. C poster DEFINATELY blows it away. Ver. C poster is so beautiful and just WOOOOW *_* I was seriously thanking the elderly Korean man in both Korean and English A LOT.

Version C MIROTIC Poster (credits to yesasia for the pic)

Version C MIROTIC Poster (credits to yesasia for the pic)

Man, next time I go to Seoul I want to go to that music store again. Not to get any more free DBSK stuff or anything, but because that man really touched me in my heart. No joke. I’m tempted to buy more DBSK albums and other K-Pop albums from that music store again (actually, I was going to buy SNSD’s ‘Genie’ album but I decided not to, and I cancelled that purchase before he gave me the free poster so afterwards I felt a bit guilty). If only I can go there again. But I’m stuck with music stores where the variety of DBSK albums is not very wide 😦 Plus, I thought if you bought the Ver. C MIROTIC album, then you’d get the poster but apparently not. I remember purchasing Ver. B at the same store that I got Ver.  C and it came with the Ver. B poster with the purchase of the album. Oh well…I’m just happy that I got a free poster unexpectedly while having a fun trip to Seoul with close friends ^_^

MIROTIC Tickets in Seoul

I’m freaking out. I’m trying to buy tickets. I want tickets to their MIROTIC concert sooooo badly! Since the tickets are sold online and I’m not a Korean citizen, my uncle is buying the tickets. We tried buying the tickets for the Saturday and Sunday performances but they were all gone. If some of you remember, or don’t know, the tickets sold out after 5 minutes. 5 MINUTES!!! After finding out there was more than a million Cassies in Korea, that made me realize that’s why tickets went out so fast.

Now, let’s fast forward. VIPs and Wonderfuls bought butt loads of tickets only to cancel them. About 2,000 seats I heard. Now I’m currently waiting to see if I’ll get a seat. I WANT ONE. I’m going crazy. It’s been nearly an hour since the tickets were released. I’m waiting for a phone call from my uncle (and mom who’s currently at his house). She called the first time to tell me that they’re trying but tickets are going out fast. I don’t know what’s happening now. That phone call was almost an hour ago.

Oh dear, I don’t care what tickets I get. The first time, I was stupid and wanted standing tickets. After realizing it’s too hard, I opted for the sitting tickets. But now I don’t care! I JUST WANT TO GET IN AND GO TO THE CONCERT! Micheoseo, micheoseo, crazy, crazy (sorry, at the moment, I’m too lazy to spell it in Korean). I feel sad because this may be my last chance to see DBSK perform LIVE. I’ve never seen them (despite being in Korea for a while), so this is really nerve-wrecking. I wish Cassies could just give me a chance and allow an American foreigner to get two tickets to their concert. That’s all I’m asking.

I must sound crazy now. I’m sorry. I’ll possibly edit this post later. When I’m not freaking out and becomming sad that my chances of getting tickets are slimmer than slim. Such slim chances…

…but I won’t give up hope!!!!

Well, I’m off to get ready to go to bed. Even though it’s 9 PM, I need to be in bed by 10 PM so I won’t be tired in the morning =_=

EDIT: I never got any tickets or was able to go to the MIROTIC Concert, but it’s all fine now. I won’t give up my love and passion for TVXQ ^_^

[INFO] DBSK Fanclub Amounts to 1 Million+

Even though we already know the amount more or less, but seeing the real figure is amazing
817,590 + 212,022 = 1,029,612

And this amount is only for fans in Korea, excluding us international fans ^^

Heads-up: chunjess @Soompi
Credits: Baidu + xietinloveshero, tvxq_luv @Shinki! Forums

WOW!!!!! That’s so amazing! 1 million Korean fans?!?! Dang, that isn’t even including BigEast and international fans. But seeing this number makes me feel sad. Why? Well, Japan has their own official fanclub and I wish TVXQ had an official international fanclub, instead of us being referred as just international fans. Well, I heard they did have an official international fanclub, but it’s not as good. I guess it’s because the international fans are spread all over the world unlike BigEast and the Cassies?

Oh well, either way, I’m proud and happy for DBSK!  I hope they’ll keep succeeding more and more ~

♥ Happy Birthday Jaejoong-oppa ♥

Woo hoo! Today is Monday, January 26, 2009 here in Korea…which means it’s Kim Jaejoong’s birthday!

Here’s some pics to spazz over:

In APPEAR+ING Magazine

In APPEAR+ING Magazine

In Junior Magazine

In Junior Magazine

In Lotte 09 Calender

In 2009 TVXQ! Calender

This was made by the person credited in the gif. Sorry, I can’t read it and found this on Photobucket, so yeah…

Anyways,  생일축하합니다  to you 재중-오빠!!!!

[PICS] Junsu’s Niece & Nephew



오모, those children are so freakin’ cute!!!!! They really look like Junsu! I heard that they’re twins. They’re seriously so cute ~ ~ ~

I have a feeling they’re going to end up being popular when they grow up. If good looks run in the family, then maybe amazing voices will too ~ And if these are his niece and nephew, imagine how his children would look! *_*!!!!!

I’ll stop ranting and go fangirl in my little corner now ._.

[PICS] My TVXQ Items (Part 1)

Reason I’m naming this part 1 is because I’ll probably get more TVXQ stuff later on in the future. Anyways, this is my collection of TVXQ stuff so far. All of this was bought at the store, not ordered online (since I’m not really into online ordering because of trust issues with quality and money, despite that being a better idea in expanding my collection).

Most of this is non-official, Korean-fanmade items. But hey, they’re really impressive and good! Although the English on the items are a bit messed up (like the spelling of Cassiopeia), but that’s fine and understandable (because to tell the truth, I can’t spell Cassiopeia without looking it up. It’s hard! I just use the term ‘Cassie’ when describing the fan club, LOL).

Here’s my pics:

TVXQ Calender '09



どうして君を好きになってしまったんだろう? Album, MIROTIC Album, MIROTIC Ver. C Album

どうして君を好きになってしまったんだろう? Album, MIROTIC Album, MIROTIC Ver. C Album

Yunho and Jaejoong socks

Yunho and Jaejoong socks

(Oooh, YunJae socks :3, to tell the truth, I saw a place selling all the members, but I didn’t have much money so I only bought Jaejoong. Then in a seperate occasion, I was lucky enough to stumble across Yunho socks at a different store!)

Yunho and Changmin Pins

Yunho and Changmin Pins

 (Hehehe, I put Yunho and Changmin on my backpack. I just got the pins, so I wonder if anyone at my school will notice them…)

Yoochun and Junsu Pins

Yoochun and Junsu Pins

 (I warped the prices because yeah, I felt like it XD. Anyways, Yoosu pins! I have yet to use them. They’re my least favorite members, so that’s why I haven’t really used them ^^; )

Changmin & 2 Yoochun Cell Phone Charms (side 1)

Changmin & 2 Yoochun Cell Phone Charms (side 1)

Changmin & 2 Yoochun Cell Phone Charms (side 2)

Changmin & 2 Yoochun Cell Phone Charms (side 2)

(Sorry for the shininess of the charms, I haven’t taken them out of their wrappers because I don’t have 3 cellphones to put the charms on, LOL. And also, Koreans don’t make their cell phone charms very…durable, so they tend to fall off easily. I’m afraid of losing my beautiful Dong Bang boys @_@)

Lamenated Image Paper (side 1)

Lamenated Image Paper (side 1)

Lamenated Image Paper (side 2)

Lamenated Image Paper (side 2)

(Sorry for the lame titles of ‘Lamenated Image Paper’. I don’t know what to call it because that’s exactly what it is, printed paper of DBSK images put together and lamenated. I bought it at the store though, and I always stare at the pictures of Jaejoong and his tongue sticking out on side 1 *_*)
Sticker Sheets 1 & 2

Sticker Sheets 1 & 2

Sticker Sheets 3 & 4

Sticker Sheets 3 & 4

(Stickers!!! Maybe one day I’ll make a TVXQ scrapbook and put all these stickers in them. Only thing I don’t like is that it feels like these stickers are more YooSu based. Notice that in two of the sheets, Yoochun and Junsu have bigger pictures than the rest of the members. Oh well, I still love the stickers X3)
So that’s it! If some of you are in the Shinki! Forum, you may recognize some of these items since I posted pictures of my stuff on the forum. But these pictures are more clear (since I used my new camera to take them) and this list is updated with new stuff.