Someone recently commented on my post The Deal With Korean Females Being Thin and I was replying to the comment but realized I had a lot more to say than I originally expected.
It’s been almost a year since I last wrote that post and I so, I decided to write a follow up about how I’m doing now concerning the obession of being thin (in Korea). If you haven’t read the post, read it here or else this post might not make as much sense as it would if you read the previous one: https://jennikim.wordpress.com/2010/02/22/the-deal-with-korean-females-and-being-thin/.
I’m about 5’4 and my lowest weight that I achieved (a couple months after that post) was 109lbs. I used to think thinner was better and I didn’t think anything was wrong with me, especially since I was still eating three healthy meals a day and excercising, yet what triggered an alarm in my brain was the fact that I wasn’t getting my period anymore. I found myself obsessed with calorie and fat intake as well, making it hard to enjoy eating in general.
My current weight now is around 130lbs. When I was at my lowest weight, I was almost ‘underweight’ so I decided it was unhealthy and I intentionally gained some weight. I feel fat and not as pretty now, especially since I can’t fit into some of my clothes from my thinner days, but I’ve been told I look better and that I look more curvy. Despite this, I want to lose weight again but it’s obviously easier to gain weight than lose it. But looking back, I saw a full body picture I took of myself and when I had first taken the picture I was nearly underweight yet thought “Eww, I still look fat” yet looking back on it now, about 20lbs heavier, I realize I looked way too thin. Almost like a toothpick or stringy little girl instead of the teenager/almost-woman that I’m supposed to be.
I just want to let others know that it really doesn’t matter how much you weigh in Korea. It’s more about your body structure. I know some girls who are 5’4 and 130lbs yet they look overweight because of their body structure of either having more fat stored in their thighs, hips, or arms (basically genetics of where fat gets stored first). Excercise really does work but please don’t lose weight just to drop the pounds. I became so overly obsessed with losing pounds that I didn’t focus on my own health and body. Focus more on the fat around whatever area you want to lose weight with and just be satisfied when you see the centimeters/inches slowly disappear.
I actually really hate my weight gain and have even stopped weighing myself daily (I don’t think I’ve touched a scale in practically a month), but just be happy with yourself, I think that’s the best thing to do when you feel like your weight is never good enough. Because whether you’re thin or fat, you’ll feel unsatisfied with yourself, so eating as healthy as you can and living a good healthy lifestyle is what’s best.
Sorry, I will edit this post later so it can make more sense and make it sound less…demanding/judgmental (if it even does sound like that). I just really wanted to get these thoughts out since I’ve been there. Feel free to share any experiences you’ve had dealing with this topic, whether you’re dealing with anorexia now or are recovering/have recovered from it.