It’s so weird, if I’m confident about something, it won’t end up good. Like my drama tryout audition. Even though I was nervous, I practiced hard and knew that confidence was a key to making your performance shine even more. Yet, I didn’t make it.
Not like I’m going to be sad about it forever (I’m already over it), but it’s the fact that everytime I have confidence in something, it ends up being the opposite.
Small but significant events: concert tickets. If I end up getting a ticket, something bad always happens that results in me not being able to go. Whether the concert gets cancelled, tickets get cancelled, etc.
It’s frustrating to be nervous each and everytime I try to purchase tickets and find out I got one and be completely estactic, only to have it taken away from me again in some shape or form.
School: With essays, the essays I’m confident in end up getting the lowest grades compared to essays where I genuinely think “Crap, this sucks but this is the best I can do” and end up getting a much higher grade than I expect. Same with tests, the tests I thought I totally aced ended up being EXTREMELY low, even after rigorous studying. It seems like no matter what I do, I can never satisfy myself or anyone else.
This whole concept probably applies to guys as well. Like, guys that I like probably don’t even know me. And the fact that there are probably NO males who are attracted to me. I’ll probably end up being single my whole life (not being a cat lady though because unfortunately, I’m allergic to animal fur). I want to believe in the whole “there’s always a soul mate out there for you”, but then there’s the thing that although you may have a soul mate, you may never meet him/her.
Sometimes I wonder what’s better, having no one who loves you (in a romantic way), or having two people (or possibly more) who are absolutely in love with you and you’re in love with them but can’t really choose between which one is the love of your life.
That’s how I came to the conclusion that love must suck. Yet people still want it (including me, *sigh*).
I’m sorry for my ranting, but honestly, getting all this negativity out of my system really helped. I always thought writing or saying how you feel doesn’t really help, but in actuality, it does. It’s better not to let the negative feelings be bottled up and fester in your heart.